How To Forgive Your Partner When They Have Kept Secrets

No matter how strong your bond with your partner may be, there will inevitably be hiccups in your relationship. Others—financial dishonesty and infidelity—are frequently more difficult to recover from. Some may be minor. If there is one thing that can help you survive and thrive, it is forgiveness. 

Why it’s vital to forgive

Because contempt is one of the most significant relationship killers, forgiveness is crucial to preventing it.

Without it, we allow transgressions to fester, and that almost functions like a slow poison. Years pass, and you’ll glance up and wonder why you are so annoyed by this individual.

You can ensure your partner is aware of how and why they upset you by bringing up a problem directly rather than brushing it under the proverbial rug. This reduces the likelihood that something similar will occur in the future, which reduces the likelihood that the issue will come up again in your relationship. Another huge energy drain is holding onto your resentment or anger toward someone.

You liberate yourself mentally and emotionally by letting go of these emotions. As a result, there is room for the relationship to develop rather than getting caught in a trying time.

Have a direct conversation about what took place

A betrayal can leave you entirely encircled by new circumstances with no way of knowing where they start and stop, much like being swept under a tidal wave. At this point, open communication is essential. The essential first step towards resurfacing for air is comprehending the entire extent of what transpired and why it transpired.

Encourage your cheating spouse to talk about what they felt they were missing out on in your relationship if they did it. Ask them why they didn’t feel comfortable communicating their issues with you directly in the first place if they complained about you behind your back.

Frame the circumstance

It’s “you and your partner against the problem,” not “you versus. your partner.” If your partner has lied to you or cheated on you, adopting that mindset can be naturally tough. However, by putting yourselves on the same team, you can work through issues as a together. You’ll both feel more supported and more inclined to decide that the relationship is worth saving when you’re both working toward the same objective.

Prioritize your use of space

Your instinctive inclination could be to leave a relationship altogether when something catastrophic occurs. When people typically say, “We’re simply not going to communicate,” there’s always this rush to separate or go on a break, but nothing positive can come out of that. Because no labor is being done, “that creates more harm than good.” Instead, take breaks from arguments when you’re in an awkward position to talk and getting professional relationship counseling to assist you in getting through a topic that can feel impossible to have.

Set new boundaries

The boundaries of your partnership could appear different for a while after a severe breach. Access to your partner’s phone, email, and social media accounts may be important to help you regain your trust if they physically cheated or had an emotional affair. It’s acceptable to ask that you assume control of your joint bank account or that, moving ahead, any purchase over a certain amount be discussed in advance if they make a significant financial decision without consulting you.